FYI…things to remember about marriage:
Real talk…only read if you want to marry right ☺️
I’ve counseled people for 20 years, and I’ve seen so many different shipwrecks, broken families, etc, because people didn’t look at the warning signs or emotionally wait for the spiritual, wisdom, and long-term responsibility, thinking to be answered first.
I’ve had friends who said, “God said,” but it didn’t work out. People who have been on fire but didn’t fix unhealthy motives & triggers & those spill into their marriages afterward… I’m not being negative (I get blowback from single people) but a wise counselor.
Here are 11 things that can help:
1. Marry for the long game…be desperate to last, not desperate to get married…looks fade away, and they don’t pay when a bad character puts everyone in a bad mood all the time or undealt with sin. Egg shells, for appearance, are no bueno. Marry for character….yes, a little looks, but the looks disappear. A character doesn’t get better after marriage 🥹
2. Hope isn’t a strategy…eyes are WIDE open before marriage…be looking for flags and asking God for flags…we want God’s kind of marriage, not just marriage. Marry them for who they are & the reputation they carry, not who you think you can change them to be…it only worsens after marriage. Lust never goes away after marriage. Fornication turns into adultery. Unless someone has PROVED without you being interested, for over a year, the person they are to be, it’s a mistake. They are playing thee
3. See who they are under pressure. Push some buttons & see how they respond. How are they with family? In crisis situations?
4. Are they financially responsible? If they aren’t now, they won’t be later…22% of marriages that end are due to money issues… that’s 1 out of 5…
5. Parents reveal promises – the culture or upbringing of folks has a HUGE deal with their after-marriage reality. If you grow up with sexual perversion, it’s harder to stop…when divorce has been historical, it’s easier to repeat. When divorce has been an option, it can be for the spouse. This ISN’T judgment but wisdom to hold off & watch the person to see if the curse is actually broken…like more than 2 months or just a verbal confirmation. Also, it’s wise to look for flags of repetition more than reasons to dismiss their behavior.
Imma get in trouble, but even physical care isn’t seen as what they are now but what they grew up with. I know so many who care before so they can get married, but once married, they aren’t trying hard because they don’t have to KEEP…but we should if we love our spouses & not just our fleshly cravings.
6. Their past relationships – if there is always someone else’s narrative of their actions, that is the fault they are the issue. Past relationships give notes on future expectations.
7. Marry already happy people – if they aren’t happy before with themselves, there is a good chance you won’t make them happy. If they “need” people & places in place so they can be happy or at peace, you will always be to blame when they are upset. Marry emotions intelligent & healthy people.
I’m just trying to put the brakes on because there’s baggage up on those tracks, but once the train (marriage) starts off, it’s super hard to clear it afterward.
Remember, emotionally healthy people aren’t quick to blame & enjoy time alone ☺️
8. Spiritual discernment – authorities and friends blessing – real friends will stop you, good brothers & sisters will tell you, caring pastors will say something…my real friend told me when it was wrong, my pastors told me the same. If anyone I look up to (not always like) has any flag, I’m disregarding wisdom & heaven’s warning to continue.
9. Read too many books (I can suggest some)- I pray for people to have marriage awakenings so they don’t become marriage consequences. Read until you understand the opposite sex. Read & see therapists, deliverance ministers, mentors, etc., until you understand INSIDE what your role truly is more than what you are expecting from others
10. Be biblical – if there are triggers in you & your to-be spouse toward Biblical roles, we already have issues with submission or loving as the Bible says. They aren’t submitted to Jesus. I know there are bad parts, but don’t make your future spouse pay for your past. Realize God’s way works…even if it’s someone close who it looked like it didn’t work God’s way…just like with healing, provision, the great commission, forgiveness, etc., there is always a GOOD reason why they don’t want to believe but if it’s your spouse-to-be, let that trigger be worked out first or you will have an other than biblical marriage…always praying to God to fix it but He warned you before it ☺️
11. Be equally yoked – the word “Christian” can mean so many things. So many fly under the radar of church ministry, good-looking social media pictures with men of God, but aren’t who they say they are.
Don’t missionary date or marry…please don’t let your loneliness get you the wrong person…marriage doesn’t fix it.
Don’t be like Israel would prefer Egypt…just getting what needs you think you have, more than the fight (it is a fight to stick to your pure guns) of the promised land 🥹
12. Pray, pray that God would open your eyes more than just make this person “work.” God can send the right people…yes, I believe there’s more than one right one, but we must be ready 👆👆👆
Love you guys
