12 Signs of a Narcissist! Careful!
The problem is, if you aren’t, you can’t see it, but here are some tail signs you are dealing with a narcissistic person đđđ
âTo the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure; but even their mind and conscience are defiled.â ~ Titus 1:15 NKJV
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1. SUPERIORITY AND ENTITLEMENT
The world of the narcissist is all about good-bad, superior-inferior, and right-wrong. There is a definite hierarchy, with the narcissist at the topâwhich is the only place they feel safe. Narcissists have to be the best, the most right, the most competent, do things their way, and control everyone.
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2. EXAGGERATED NEED FOR ATTENTION AND VALIDATION
Narcissists need constant attention and validation, which can only come from others. No matter how much you tell narcissists you love them, admire them, or approve of them, they never feel it’s enoughâbecause deep down, they don’t believe anyone can love them. Despite all their self-absorbed, grandiose bragging, narcissists are actually very insecure and fearful of not measuring up. They constantly try to elicit praise and approval from others to shore up their fragile egos, but no matter how much they’re given, they always want more.
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3. LACK OF RESPONSIBILITYâBLAMING AND DEFLECTING
Although narcissists like to be in control, they never want to be responsible for the resultsâunless, of course, everything goes exactly their way and their desired result occurs. When things don’t go according to their plan, or they feel criticized or less than perfect, the narcissist places all the blame and responsibility elsewhere. It has to be someone else’s fault. Sometimes, that blame is generalized, but most often, the narcissist blames the one person who is the most emotionally close, most attached, loyal, and loving in his lifeâtheir spouse. To maintain the facade of perfection, narcissists always have to blame someone or something else. A spouse is the safest person to blame because they are least likely to leave or reject.
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4. LACK OF BOUNDARIES
Narcissists can’t accurately see where they end and you begin. They seem to lack maturity and believe that everything belongs to them; everyone thinks and feels the same as they do, and everyone wants the same things they do. They are shocked and highly insulted to be TOLD NO. If a narcissist wants something from you, he’ll go to great lengths to figure out how to get it through persistence, cajoling, demanding, rejecting, or pouting.
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5. LACK OF EMPATHY
Narcissists have little ability to empathize with others. They tend to be selfish and self-involved and are usually unable to understand what other people are really feeling. They may announce that they ‘can’t tell what mood you’re in’ or tailor their responses and behavior to whatever they believe the person or situation needs rather than responding with authenticity or genuinely. Narcissists expect others to think and feel the same as they do and seldom give any thought to how others feel. They are also rarely apologetic, remorseful, or guilty. At the same time, narcissists are highly attuned to perceived threats, anger, and rejection from others. This lack of empathy makes true relationships and emotional connections with narcissists difficult or impossible. đłđłđł
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6. EMOTIONAL REASONING
You’ve probably made the mistake of trying to reason and use logic with the narcissist to get him to understand the painful effect his behaviors have on you. You think that if he understands how much his behavior hurts you, he’ll change. Your explanations, however, don’t make sense to the narcissist, who only seems able to be aware of his own thoughts and feelings. Although narcissists may say they understand, they honestly don’t.
Therefore, narcissists make most of their decisions based on how they feel about something. If they’re bored or depressed, they want to move, end the relationship or start a new business, or try a new adrenaline sport. They always look to something or someone outside themselves to solve their feelings and needs – alcohol, drugs, gambling, an affair, a new sport. They expect you to go along with their “solutions,” and they react with irritation and resentment if you don’t.
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7. SPLITTING
The narcissist’s personality is split into good and bad parts, and they also split everything in their relationships into good and bad. Any negative thoughts or behaviors are blamed on you or others, whereas they take credit for everything that is positive and good. They deny their negative words and actions while continually accusing you of disapproving. Narcissists aren’t able to clearly see, feel, or remember both the positive and the negative in a situation. They can deal with only one perspective at a timeâtheirs. If a friend has a different opinion from theirs, they distance themselves or belittle the other for seeing things âincorrectly.’
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8. FEAR
The narcissist’s entire life is motivated and energized by fear. Most narcissists’ fears are deeply buried and repressed. They’re constantly afraid of being ridiculed, rejected, or wrong – found out. They may have fears about their appearance, about losing their money, about being betrayed, about being seen as bad or inadequate, or about being abandoned. As they age, they may become more preoccupied with their appearance and weight. Fear of being âfound out’ makes it difficult and sometimes impossible for the narcissist to trust anyone else.
In fact, the closer your relationship becomes, the less he will trust you. Narcissists fear any true intimacy or vulnerability because theyâre afraid youâll see their imperfections and judge or reject them. No amount of reassurance seems to make a difference because narcissists deeply hate and reject their own shameful imperfections. Narcissists never seem to develop trust in the love of others, and they continually test you with worse and worse behaviors to try to find your breaking point. Their gripping fear of being âfound outâ or abandoned never dissipates.
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9. ANXIETY
Anxiety is an ongoing, vague feeling that something bad is happening or about to happen. Some narcissists show their anxiety by talking constantly about the doom that is about to happen, while some hide and repress their anxiety. But most narcissists project their anxiety onto their closest loved ones, accusing them of being negative, unsupportive, mentally ill, not putting them first, not responding to their needs, or being selfish. All this is designed to transfer anxiety to the loved one in an attempt to not feel it themselves. As you feel worse and worse, the narcissist feels better and better. In fact, he feels stronger and more superior as you feel your anxiety and depression grow.
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10. SHAME
Narcissists donât feel much guilt because they think they are always right, and they donât believe their behaviors really affect anyone else. But they harbor a lot of shame. Shame is the belief that there is something deeply and permanently wrong or bad about who you are. Buried in a deeply repressed part of the narcissist are all the insecurities, fears, and rejected traits that he is constantly on guard to hide from everyone, including himself. The narcissist is acutely ashamed of all these rejected thoughts and feelings. Keeping his vulnerabilities hidden is essential to the narcissistâs thin veneer of self-esteem or false self. Ultimately, however, this makes it impossible for them to be completely real and transparent. They lack integrity and authenticity and donât seem genuine.
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11. AN INABILITY TO BE TRULY VULNERABLE
Because of their inability to understand feelings, their lack of empathy, and their constant need for self-protection, narcissists canât truly love or connect emotionally with other people. They cannot look at the world from anyone elseâs perspective. Theyâre essentially emotionally blind and alone. This makes them emotionally needy. When one relationship is no longer satisfying, they often overlap relationships or start a new one as soon as possible. They desperately want someone to feel their pain, sympathize with them, and make everything just as they want it to be. But they have little ability to respond to your pain or fear or even your day-to-day need for care and sympathy.
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12. AN INABILITY TO COMMUNICATE OR WORK AS PART OF A TEAM
Thoughtful, cooperative behaviors require a real understanding of each otherâs feelings. How will the other person feel? Will this action make both of us happy? How will this affect our relationship? These are questions that narcissists donât have the capacity or the motivation to think about. Donât expect the narcissist to understand your feelings, give in, or give up anything he wants for your benefit; itâs useless. Any kind gestures or acts of generosity are strategic and have an ulterior motive â they give to get.
If you know or live with a narcissist, I am afraid that they are unlikely to change and they will certainly not be open to your suggestions that the above characteristics remind you of them!
Trying to change people or help them see the light is futile. Itâs best to pray from afar. Iâm a personal testimony đ„č.
Yes! They went through things, but we are not their savior; Jesus has to be, or sometimes hard times have to come until that pride is broken down.
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âLikewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for âGod resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.â Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time,â ~ I Peter 5:5-6 NKJV